One thing I detest is fear. I think of it as such an unnecessary waste of time and something that can distort good decision making in life. It can allow us to make decisions based on a mindset of lack, or being an orphan.
I find through coaching many clients that when we get to the bottom of things many times lurking there is the realization that decisions (some even big life decisions) have been made from a basis of being afraid. Many times we have opted to taking a safer option from fear of failure or fear of what people will think. The scary thing is most of the time we are completely unaware that we have even done this. Coaching in its very nature, as it probes deeper and seeks to take you forward often uncovers this.
A great way of identifying whether you have any fears holding you back is to ponder this question: Ask yourself: What would I do if I knew I wouldn’t fail?
So, think about it, take 5 minutes right now! What did you come up with?
I ask myself this question often to check I am on track with the different areas in my life; work, business, relationships etc.
Would you invest in something? Conquer something? Ask someone out? Set up a business? Buy property? Pray for someone to be healed? Ask God for something?
Personally I’m only satisfied when I cannot think of anything to this question J it makes me feel happy that I am not holding back any life decisions because of fear.
So what about when you realize you are afraid of something? Here’s my kamikaze, fear buster approach. It’s based on many scriptures really including this one: Phil 4: 8: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true,whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.
Here is how it works. First as soon as you identify fear, in any form, you must stop and recognize ad acknowledge it. So it could be that you are afraid of speaking out, afraid of doing something, afraid of the dark, or what could happen.
Or maybe someone puts you on the spot and asks you to do something and you immediately feel ill prepared, nervous, or caught off balance. At this point you have a choice.
Option 1 – You can either let the anxious fearful emotions rule. The way you do this is by allowing yourself to dwell on them. ‘Dwelling on them’ is absolutely the opposite of the verse above. It is filling your mind with thoughts that bring fear – ‘what if….’, ‘I can’t….’, ‘this is not going to work….’. It’s effectively using your amazingly creative wonderful brain to work out the negative possible outcomes.
Option 2 – The kamikaze approach stop the fears. It looks like this: You would respond as I do, like this, ‘oh goody I’ve identified something I fear! Great! I have an opportunity to break another fear!’
You then consciously turn around your thinking by thinking and saying out loud positive truths: ‘this IS going to work…’, ‘I can’t fail….’, ‘with God all things are possible’, ‘ the main thing is that I don’t allow fear to rob me of this moment’, I am going to do this whatever I feel’, I know that if I trust God and do this I will never have to feel afraid of this again’.
Then you jump in with both feet to conquer it: – head on straight away! I’ve found the quicker I do the thing I fear, the better, as the fear simply vanishes as I am stepping out. If I chose not to step out, the fear gets a chance to stick and grow. Then you have to try 10 times harder to reverse negative thoughts and the stepping out becomes 10 times more difficult. I love conquering any fear I discover straight away or as soon as possible in this way. Its quick it’s easy and it’s effective in training you to move on from negative thinking very quickly. So if you can’t actually do the thing you fear straight away, schedule it in! Schedule it in some way that is accountable that you have to keep the appointment. You can tell a friend to hold you accountable.
For example last year I got invited to speak to a large audience, much larger than I have done before. Here’s an insight into my self-talk. Immediately, for a split second I had doubt, can I do that? Am I ready for that? Then, immediately, I chose to take hold of those doubtful questions and answer them affirmatively – yes I can do that! I have done this to smaller audiences so what is the difference really? It’s a fantastic opportunity to be able to affect so many people’s lives positively. It is my vision and dream to have great global impact and this is a great stepping stone. I am ready for this. Even if I am not ready, it’s all great training! So I immediately have a different ‘film reel’ playing in my mind, every time any doubts or questions arise. Doing this, I felt confident and did the task. Not surprisingly, it all went well. Could I have done better? Most definitely yes, but I always want to do better, saying yes and not allowing fear to rob me of that moment and others is the way I want to live my life.
So what is it that your fears have been holding you back from doing? How can you start applying the kamikaze approach to tackling them today?