I’ve been thinking about confidence a lot lately. I’ve been noticing just how different levels of confidence are in different people, and how much not having confidence restricts people.
As a coach it’s a big area of frustration, because you can see how wonderful and how capable someone is, but often they can’t see it for themselves. Obviously, that’s the work we do as coaches is to help them see their own wonderfulness and capability, but it’s still incredibly sad to see people who live mediocre lives at best, simply because they don’t have confidence in themselves or their dreams.
What saddens me as well is how some people see themselves as a confident person, but in reality they have set their life up in a way to fool themself that they are confident and don’t struggle with fear. They are only confident because the life that they have crafted around themselves is safe, and familiar. They have made choices to create this life, avoiding stretching and challenging themselves. When opportunities come along to stretch into more of what they are capable of, their confidence may not be high enough to take a risk. The result is in truth that people end up living compromised lives, and it is so sad, because fear has taken away or stopped confidence arising and limited them.
The fear in these circumstances is hidden, as is the lack of confidence, because there is no vision for what life could look like if they were to be living it in fullness of purpose. There could be a lack of interest to explore and be stretched into what this ‘fullness of purpose’ could be.
The bible says; a people without vision perish (Proverbs 29:18). I feel that people in these compromised lives, have in a way ‘perished’. Their hearts are not fully alive, they are in a kind of comfortable coma.
There is a process which someone would have gone through to reach this comfortable coma. If you look at children, mostly they have big dreams, big ideas, oodles of joy and confidence. They are somehow unaware of danger, willing to take risks. (Unless of course they are traumatised). How many adults do we see that have carried this childlike confidence and attitude into adult life. How many adults live a life of dreaming big and having confidence to pursue all of this as a lifestyle?
What happened to those big thinking children?
Somewhere along the line, the child changed their thinking and became what is acceptable to be like as an adult. They stopped dreaming and believing what could be their destiny. They were taught this is the right thing to think and this is ‘growing up.’
Do you relate to this? Has it been your journey?
How can confidence in oneself and one’s destiny be restored?
Fully embracing who you are
Firstly, if we don’t realise who we really are, if we have a warped perception of who we really are, then our confidence is never good. Sometimes it feels socially acceptable to think of ourselves as ordinary or average. Self-deprivation is commonly seen as a more socially acceptable way of portraying ourselves as adults (in some countries). If we think or speak of ourselves confidently, sometimes we fear we could be considered arrogant or vain.
From a Christian point of view we can deceive ourselves into thinking we are unworthy, weak or powerless, that we are ‘sinners’ not ‘saints’, that we are worthless. Connected to this warped theology we can think we are destined to live lives of suffering as payment for our reward of heaven.
We are not sinners, we are saints. If we really think about the difference between those two identities, we can realise it is a big shift in identity! Jesus did the work on the cross for us to live an abundant life. We certainly are not worthless if Jesus decided we were worth it to die on the cross for we have great worth. We are sons and daughters of the King of all kings!
Answer these few questions to uncover hidden fear and develop your confidence:
Out of 10 how fully do you embrace who you are as a son/daughter of the King of kings?
How much like royalty do you feel?
What condemnation have you put yourself under that robs you of believing who you really are?
How valuable do you feel?
Growing a vision worthy of your true identity
Do you have a vision that is worthy of your identity as a son/daughter of the King of kings?
Children of God, have purpose. They have meaning to their life. They are fully alive. They feel fully alive. They have an incredible vision. Without having a resonant, compelling vision for your life, we tend to live lives that are more like that of a servant or slave. Servant and slave mindsets believe that all that is now, is all there is. They have no hope or vision for a better future.
Out of 10, how big is your vision to be worthy of who you are and who you have behind you (eg God)?
Removing limitations
What beliefs do you have that are stopping you thinking the above is real and possible?
Maybe you are stuck in apathy (this is a common one). Apathy only exists in the presence of life sucking beliefs. You could be believing; ‘it’s not worth it’, ‘change is too hard’, ‘I can’t.’
Maybe you have had big dreams, but the journey has been too hard and has disintegrated your hope and you can’t get it back. Either way, coming to God and offering Him your frailty to believe, asking Him to give ands restore your belief, hope and vision, is the best route.
Ask Him to show you what limiting beliefs or life sucking beliefs are in the way. You can then choose to turn away from those.
Growing your confidence is possible. You can choose to embrace a journey to do this. God is for you in this. He wants confident kids, that enjoy big assignments from Him. He wants you to walk in freedom to know freely and confidently, who you are and never to doubt it. To know what you are capable of with Him. With God all things are possible (not just ‘some’ things) – see Matthew 19:26
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. (Hebrews 10:35)
Or you can choose to stay in ‘comfortable coma’ mode. The choice is very much yours.
The Co-Creative Coaching Model takes people through a process which grows their confidence and their vision exponentially. Each stage is comprehensive but also life transforming.