One of my key values of being a leader is to be an authentic leader that operates with an open heart and is prepared to show up and to be vulnerable. This is because I believe that the world needs more authentic leaders who don’t pretend that everything is ok, but help people whilst being real, humble and imperfect themselves. I believe that this helps people understand that anyone can overcome and that leaders are real people who want to have meaningful deep relationships. More about this topic in another blog, but in my blogs I always strive to share something of what I am processing in my heart so as to model doing this.
So, time for me to be vulnerable again!
Last week in a business strategy meeting I admitted that I felt I was hiding in some way. To my surprise my business consultant enthusiastically nodded and agreed with me. She challenged me asking a powerful question: What is it that is stopping you from letting go?
Pondering this question over the weekend, I’ve discovered that I have a fear of my calling overwhelming me and consuming me. I have a fear of putting a stake in the ground and committing to a path that may feel too narrow and restrictive. I have a fear that there will be no going back.
What ridiculous fears these are!
I don’t need telling that they are illogical, untrue and totally ridiculous. My logical brain knows this, and I can think of many scriptures which contain truths that dispel all of these fears. But ……those of you that have similar fears will understand that our fears are not logical and are embedded in us in a totally illogical, but nonetheless powerful way.
I didn’t even know I had these fears!
I would have been totally unaware if my dear business consultant (thank you Rosanna!) hadn’t have challenged me to look below the surface and find them. The problem is fears are entwined with something in coaching we call ‘limiting beliefs’. Our fears and limiting beliefs, stop progress, stop success and diminish our ability to fulfil our potential. It’s not our circumstances but these nasty, most of the time hidden, little monsters that hold us back.
What hidden fears do you have that you don’t even know you have?
In what way could these be holding you back towards becoming all that you are created for?
Yes, the reason why we don’t progress on a particular goal is not because of circumstances out of our control, but because we are harbouring limiting beliefs and fears. These have often bought progress to a standstill or at the very least slowed it down substantially.
Fear is something I hate beyond most other things because it is so destructive and restrictive and literally steals and robs our very life from us. My reaction when I find it either in me and others is to go after it intentionally and violently to destroy it!
Our fears hold us back from our greatness and stop us from fully showing up in the very arenas that we are called to influence and bring positive change. Our fears stop the world becoming a better place because they stop us from showing up, fully and confidently.
Uncovering and overcoming those hidden fears
So, lets identify those fears and limiting beliefs and bring them into the light, reversing those limiting beliefs into empowering ones.
In all the years of coaching people through their fears and confronting my own head on, I have found these are common ones:
Fear of failure
Fear of being overwhelmed by success
Fear of not being enough
Fear of commitment
Fear of change
Fear of not being ready
Fear of getting it wrong (with God, or other authority figures)
Fear of being really seen
Fear of being judged
Fear of being rejected
Fear of not making the grade
When you read through these which ones do you recognise you are prone to?
Maybe yours isn’t listed here?
What is it?
In our coaching model when fear arises, we dig deeper to discover what the limiting beliefs are that lie beneath the fears. Here’s some examples:
|The Fear||The Limiting Belief that could be under it|
|Fear of failure||Failure is a non-recoverable outcome and means the end.|
|Fear of being overwhelmed by success||I don’t have what it takes to handle success.|
|Fear of not being enough||I am not enough.|
|Fear of commitment||Commitment restricts me and closes off future options. Or it’s not safe to trust anyone enough to commit to them in a work or other relationship.|
|Fear of change||It won’t get better than it is now. Change will make things worse.|
|Fear of not being ready||I am not ready therefore I cannot progress until I am 100% ready.|
|Fear of getting it wrong (with God, or other authority figures)||If I get it wrong, I will be punished. God does not allow for mistakes. I have to get it right 100% of the time.|
|Fear of being really seen||People can’t handle the real me. I am boring. I am too much. I need to hide.|
|Fear of being judged||If people, see the real me they will judge me and try to change me as they won’t like me the way I am.|
|Fear of being rejected Fear of not making the grade||People will reject me, my ideas, my opinions, my input, my creation, therefore I best not bother.|
Once you have uncovered these limiting beliefs, hoorah they are in the light!
You can now sit with a friend, or better still a trained destiny coach, or try and reverse these yourself. For each limiting belief you have create a belief that reverses and overturns the limiting belief into an empowering one. Here’s how:
|Limiting Beliefs||Empowering Beliefs|
|Failure is a non-recoverable outcome and means the end.||It is not possible to fail. Unsuccessful attempts get me closer to finding amazing success.|
|I don’t have what it takes to handle success.||I have what it takes to handle success. I was born to do this. I can do all things (including this) through Christ who strengths me.|
|I am not enough.||I am more than enough.|
|Commitment restricts me and closes off future options. Or I cannot trust anyone enough to commit to them in a work or another relationship||Commitment propels me quickly towards reaching my big life goals. I have amazing Godly discernment to trust people well and build healthy relationships.|
|It won’t get better than it is now. Change will make things worse.||There is always more in God’s economy. Change is something that is here to stay, and I embrace it knowing that God is always leading me towards something better.|
|I am not ready therefore I cannot progress until I am 100% ready.||I have all I need to progress to the next stage and God will show me and provide for what I need along the way. I was born ready!|
|If I get it wrong, then I will be punished||God is a God of love, slow to anger and swift to bless. Getting things wrong is part of my learning and growing closer to Him. There is no fear in love, perfect love casts out fear.|
|People can’t handle the real me. I am boring. I am too much. I need to hide||I am an amazing masterpiece created by God, to be honoured and delighted in.|
|If people, see the real me they will judge me and try to change me as they won’t like me the way I am||When people see the real me, they are drawn to me and feel most connected to me.|
|People will reject me, my ideas, my opinions, my input, my creation, therefore I best not bother.||My ideas, opinions, creations and input have immense value and those that have great discernment will honour and embrace them.|
So, you get the idea. Your challenge is not to just read this blog as a concept.
Take time to sit and prayerfully ask God to reveal where you have fear.
- Write down the list – fear of, etc
- Then identify the limiting belief behind it.
- Take your list of limiting beliefs and create a list of empowering beliefs. You may need a coach to help you through this process as our fears and limiting beliefs are typically our blind spots.
- Finally, once you have your empowering beliefs, start reading them out loud regularly until you re-train your brain to shift to these over your limiting beliefs. (Remember the power of death and life is in your tongue)
Many times, limiting beliefs and fears come from a need to be coached into the fullness of your identity in Christ. If you are a trained coach and would like to learn to do this – check out our Coaching Identity Advanced eCourse – https://courses.destinycoachingministries.com/p/coaching-identity-advanced
If you want to have your identity coached into maturity, contact us