Something I am processing currently is understanding where I am at, season wise. (I mean in terms of the season in relation to my calling – see The Calling Journey, by Tony Stoltzfus). I am pretty sure I am at the end of my ‘valley of identity.’
I have often blogged about transition, as it’s such a normal topic I coach people on, and it’s one of those difficult parts of life. It’s difficult to navigate and so helpful to understand how to navigate well.
Well, today, my thoughts are towards how we know when we are at the beginning, the middle or at the end of ‘transition’. I’m talking about big transition times the kind that feel like forever, are difficult and result in significant changes in life circumstances. (Often these transitions mark a ‘valley time’ as described by Tony Stoltzfus in The Calling Journey). It is helpful to know where we are at during these times so we can best take care of ourselves, know what decisions to make or not make, and we can know how to lean into God and His agenda.
Life is so full of changes all the time, changes in work, relationships, circumstances. We can begin to feel we are always in transition. Yet there are times when we go through significant transition, and these are the most difficult times. These could be triggered by many different life events, maybe losing a loved one, or financial strain, or relationship problems or a difficult living situation.
Coping Strategies for Difficult Transitions
We learn coping strategies to help us during these difficult times, such as; disciplining ourselves to be grateful, focussing on what God is doing rather than what He is not. We learn to see a bigger perspective that ‘this is a just a season and it too shall pass’. We set our sights to the future positively and grow expectation of what it will be, what we hope it will be. We cast our vision towards where we want to be. We can also unpack the difficult circumstances and understand what God is forming in us to prepare us for future promises being fulfilled.
These are examples of great strategies that many of us use to encourage ourselves and to ‘Strengthen ourselves in the Lord’ – See the book by Bill Johnson
But, and this is a big but – how do we know when it will all be over? How do we know when the difficult season, the valley time, is coming to an end?
How do we learn to recognise we are in a valley time? How do we know where we are at in terms of its length?
Here are some indicators to help you figure it out: –
Recognising the beginning of a valley time / difficult transition time
These times tend to creep up on us. Many times, multiple things become difficult. This is my experience anyway. There is a slow, increasing type of pressure that builds. Often there is a loss of some kind, (e.g. work you loved, a loved one, a place, mental or physical health). Often multiple losses signal the beginning of what will be a longer, difficult transition time. Sometimes it can be one great loss that throws you into a whirlwind. It can feel like your whole world just changed and you don’t know which way is up.
At the beginning the emotions that we likely feel are shock and overwhelm. We don’t know how to begin to process all that is happening and changing. We can feel this when big positive changes happen too, but in these happy times there is an ‘enjoyable shock’ (that something amazing is happening). But in difficult traumatic transition times what we experience is more of a kind of heart wrenching shock as we witness something unexpected and terrible happening. We are mostly unable at this stage to process that we are about to go through an extended transition time. We would not be able to conceive that this could last years.
Recognising the middle of a valley time / difficult transition time
Unlike the beginning by now we are aware of the difficulties. We are in touch with any grief we feel about the loss. We are grieving the way our life was before, even if in our previous life, we were ignorant to things that are now apparent, ignorance was bliss. Being faced with the changes and needing to transition ourselves practically, emotionally, spiritually is tough. It feels overwhelming, hard work. Life may feel like walking through mud.
At times we will feel loss of hope, that life will ever be good again. We will feel worn out; we may lose our fight. Mostly, we’ll find it hard to understand where God is in it all and what He is up to. Despite all of this we learn to hang on to him. We are learning what I call ‘blind faith’. The type of faith that can’t understand but chooses to trust God anyway. The kind of faith that chooses to believe He is good, and it is worth hanging onto hope in Him. Not an easy time. Often these times can last a few years. Some of us go through a decade of tragic, messy, debilitating transition. Perseverance is being built. Also, trust is increasing in us, and many other good things that we will probably only begin to fully understand the other side of the transition. God uses everything. The Lord redeems all things for His glory.
Recognising the ending of a valley time / difficult transition time
Finally after a long time of difficulty, some positive change starts to happen! These could be just small. It could simply be that you are beginning to understand and see how The Lord has changed you internally. Hope starts to build again. It may be just a glimmer but that’s how it starts. You find yourself beginning to believe that the future can be brighter than now. That things will be okay, that God has actually got some amazing plans for you.
Through this renewed lense of hope, you start to come alive. You start to get your vision back. You may feel weary, but your body, mind and spirit slowly feel like they are beginning to be renewed. Some doors of opportunity may start to open. These may be small, tiny opportunities or significant ones. You can’t believe it, that something is changing finally for the good. Even if those doors shut and don’t work out you can see that something has changed and that you won’t be in the transition valley for ever. There is hope. God has not forgotten you!
Often there is a let-down, a door opens and shuts again. (Think about Joseph who met Pharoah’s chief cup bearer and chief baker in prison and asked them to remember him to Pharoah. But even though Joesph was one small step away from stepping into God’s promise of His position of reigning in the nation of Egypt, he was still stuck in prison and had no idea whether the cup bearer or baker would ever remember him to Pharoah. He had no idea when the promises of God would happen. Read Genesis 37-50 for Josephs full story)
The final part of a difficult valley time often gives us a kind of final test. It’s a test to see if we hold onto our hope and believe that God is good, and that He will bring about all that He has promised in your life! Even though a door of opportunity opens and maybe closes again, which feels like a last fall at the finish gate, the question is; will you still believe?
Then one day, often suddenly when you least expect, the valley time, the awful transition is over. You will see the start of your promises fulfilled. It will be an obvious fulfilment of all God has promised. (E.g. Like when Joseph got promoted to be the second in command over all Egypt, one day after being in a prison cell! That’s a big change in a day!)
Are you in transition?
Are you walking alongside someone who is in a difficult transition time?
Where are you at? Where are they at?
How does learning about the phases of difficult transition times encourage you?
Tina Southgate