Transitions in life are common, normal, but also many times unexpected.
Most of us have not been taught how to deal with them well.
They can be unsettling, painful, difficult, scary, sad, and confusing.
Yet transition is something we will all face in one way or another. So learning how to navigate it well is deeply important. Not just so we survive it, but so we can move through it with grace, resilience, and hope.
Here are 4 tips on how to deal with transition well.
Tip 1 – Expect transition
Expect transition.
Shifting your belief so that transition and change are seen as a normal part of life helps to normalise it. By carrying this belief, you will be far less likely to feel blindsided by transition. The fact is, some transitions are expected, while others are not.
I know from my current season that even the ones you expect can still be traumatic and shocking. I expected my mother to be transitioning out of this world, but when it happened, it was still shocking to me.
What has helped me since then is reminding myself that losing loved ones is a normal part of our existence. The same applies to losing a job role, transitioning into retirement, facing an empty nest, moving from a city, or moving on from a familiar network of friends or family.
Understanding that these, and many other circumstances, throw you into transition, and preparing for this by expecting that transition will happen, helps. It’s one of the few guarantees we have in life: everything changes at some point.
There are assignment or job-related transitions, such as a new job, losing a job, starting a new business, or changes within your current business or role.
Then there are personal transitions, such as loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, moving house or area, or health issues.
Living with the understanding that these things are a normal part of life helps us to build resilience and healthy strategies to cope.
I’m not talking about living in a constant state of cynicism, expecting bad things to happen. No, the opposite. Firstly, we can make the most of the current moment and season, while also knowing it is just a season. Secondly, we can believe that when transition happens, we will deal with it, because it’s part of life and part of what it means to be human. We were made to live life and experience the full gamut of what it brings.
Seasons come and go, both the wonderful, deeply enjoyable ones and the difficult ones. And for the difficult seasons, one of the great things your experience has probably already taught you is this: this too shall pass.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 says:
“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”
Tip 2 – Shift negative perspectives on transition
Instead of looking at transition and change as sad and inevitably difficult, shift your perspective to embrace the probability, of change.
Learn to become a change expert. Get in touch with your inner change and transition junkie.
Ask yourself:
What helps me thrive through change and transition?
What positives do I know to be true about it?
How can I learn to navigate the difficult parts?
How did I do this previously?
There is an enormous amount of wisdom and practical strategy you can remember and apply from what you have already done and what has worked for you in the past. Embrace that inner wisdom.
In my own life, during my teenage years, I realised that everything changes. We changed churches often, and not in a positive way. I lost touch with close friends throughout childhood because of this. I lost many aunts and uncles, as my father was the youngest in his family, but was unusually old when he had me. My brother, who was much older than me, moved out of our home when I was 6, and we lost touch with him, which was a huge change for me too. We moved to a different town when I was 8, which I didn’t want, and I felt devastated to leave our village.
Somewhere along the line, I decided to embrace change and hope for the best.
That decision has been hugely helpful over the decades that followed.
Tip 3 – Self-care
This topic has become more fashionable in recent years, as mental health problems have reached epic proportions.
But the truth is, self-care has always been key to living well and staying well. We must look after ourselves in order to have longevity and be able to cope with life’s transitions and challenges.
Looking after our bodies, our minds, our emotions, and our spirits are all linked. You need to do all of these. There is no point being excellent at staying physically fit, going to the gym, and eating a healthy diet, if you are not also taking care of your emotional health. And vice versa.
It is all linked.
Don’t be sceptical or embarrassed about having therapy, counselling, coaching, or whatever else helps you deal with what you need to deal with.
What you spend your money on shows what you value. So make sure you spend time and money on your own personal self-care for your body, mind, and soul.
Learning the art of looking after yourself will stand you in good stead when you are facing big transitions. You will already have habits in place that you can continue when life gets tough.
I’ve watched people close to me lose their health while looking after loved ones. I’ve watched close friends struggle through relationship challenges without getting professional help.
Knowing your self-worth is key. Knowing you are worth it matters.
Knowing that love is one of the foundational truths of our Christian faith matters too.
1 John 4:8 says:
“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”
And Jesus commanded us to love others in a way that includes healthy love for ourselves:
Mark 12:31 says:
“The second is this: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
That last part of the verse, as yourself, is often overlooked, and many people pay the price of not loving themselves in their mental and physical health.
Tip 4 – Know your purpose and passion
Having a purpose that transcends a season, one that is for a lifetime, is so helpful.
It acts as an anchor.
It fills your heart with meaning, joy, and fulfilment. You know that seasons will change and transition will come, but your overall life purpose remains the same. How you live it out, which part of it you focus on, and the roles you play in it may shift and change, but the anchor remains: your purpose does not change.
This purpose, what you were created for, is something you feel passionate about. It energises you. It allows you to operate in your strengths and gifts in a part of the world, and among the people, you feel most drawn to.
I recently lost my mum. This was hard, very hard. I do not have children. But I really know my purpose. It’s deeply embedded in my heart. My vision for how to live out this purpose is a lifetime’s worth of effort and focus. It’s so big that it is only possible with God and with His favour. It’s a reason to live the rest of my life well and with meaning, and to have an impact. This is something I know my mum is proud of.
Facing loss and processing grief are all part of life, but knowing that when the season of grieving is over, my purpose remains, and is still something I am passionate about, gives me hope. It gives me meaning for why I am here and why I want to live the rest of my life well.
This is what we all need in difficult times of loss and transition.
Final reflection
Transition is never always easy. But it does not have to undo you.
There is wisdom in expecting it.
There is strength in shifting your perspective.
There is stability in self-care.
And there is deep anchoring in knowing your purpose.
Which one of these four areas have you already strengthened?
And which ones might need a little more attention in this season?