Last week, I discussed two common hope stealers — failure and delay. This week, I want to explore two more areas where our hope often gets stolen, sometimes without us even realizing it.
The First Area: Culture
We are all brought up in an environment that teaches us about the world. The common ways of thinking in that environment become our own ways of thinking. It’s so much a part of who we are that we don’t notice when thinking the way our culture has taught us begins to steal our vision, our inspiration, and our hope.
In my life, I have been exposed to many different cultures. Living in a big city and having friends from so many parts of the world, I’ve also had the privilege of being brought up by two parents from completely different cultures — England and India. I’ve lived in California, USA, for five years, attending a leadership school filled with people from over 50 nations. For the past decade, I’ve run an international online coach training school, teaching and getting to know students from all over the world.
Teaching people to coach means teaching them to understand the diversity of people — to guide and draw out what’s within them. The differences in how people do this across cultures are striking. I’ve also coached groups of people into transformation from many nations through the Destiny Activator Program and others that I run.
So, what have I learned about the effects of culture on how people move forward and step into their call?
1. Your nation of origin deeply affects how you see the world, how you think, and what you believe is possible.
In the UK — and really, in any nation — dreaming big, being ambitious, or having a vision to impact the world is not always seen as “sensible,” “logical,” or “realistic.” In the UK especially, feeling passionate about something can be seen as “overreacting” or “getting ahead of yourself.”
A popular British meme says, “Keep calm and carry on.” It may as well say, “Don’t think too much, don’t dream big, don’t expect anything, and it will all be okay.” Of course, this phrase originated in World War II, when the British displayed incredible courage and resilience. But today, this same attitude can quietly erode hope.
It does this by convincing us that feeling passionate about a big idea is foolish. It suppresses the stronger emotions that help guide us toward the incredible things we were made to be part of. It cuts down new, world-changing ideas. It tells us not to have great passion, courage and confidence that we can actually achieve something impossible with God. It whispers, “Who do you think you are? Calm down. Be realistic. Be satisfied with what you have.” By thinking differently, you can be made to think you are foolish, or taking unnecessary risks.
When I left a successful career to become a executive coach back in 2006, most people thought I was crazy! Yet, nearly two decades later, I am so happy I had the courage to do it anyway.
In other nations, like India where family and community units are highly valued, those with big dreams are sometimes made to feel guilty for wanting to take risks — for not devoting all their efforts and resources to what directly benefits the family. There can be strong expectations to follow in the parents’ footsteps — to join the family business or choose “family-approved” professions like doctor or lawyer. This restricts thinking, as many are taught that it’s selfish to think outside those boundaries.
The Second Area: Church Culture
The next area of culture I want to talk about — one that often steals hope — is church culture.
Having worked with Christians for over two decades in activating their callings and destinies, I’ve seen some deeply ingrained beliefs that leave people completely stuck, hopeless, and unsure of their worth. Honestly, I could write a book on this! Here are just a few examples.
1. Being told “no”
So many people come to us with inspired ideas that have been shut down by leaders. One man wanted to rent a booth in a shopping mall to minister — offering prayer and prophetic encouragement to the public. His minister told him no. He was told he’d need to go to seminary first before being qualified to do that.
Others have been told “not yet” or redirected to “more practical” duties — told they need years of training or serving before they could pray for someone or be released into a specific ministry.
Yikes — is this a hope stealer or what?
The result is that in many churches, most of the congregation ends up passively sitting through services for years, being taught but never being activated. Never being released. Never being commissioned into what the Lord has put on their hearts. That is wasted potential — and often, soul-destroying for those who have a heart to use their gifts and strengths but never feel they have permission to do so.
Our calling is to do what we love, what we are best at, and in the area we are called to. Around 95% of us are called outside the church. The 5% of those that work in the church have the job to equip, release, and support the rest of us to be salt and light in the world. What a difference it would make to see more churches commissioning members of their congregation to go out and instigate their incredible vision and ideas. A lot of what coaching does is to give people back their permission. When permission to follow God’s call is withheld, it steals hope.
2. The “servant heart” misunderstanding
The servant mindset in Christian thinking can be misunderstood. Sometimes serving first the church, then everyone else, and never ourselves can lead to us losing hope in a vision that God has given us.
There can also be a belief that if our vision doesn’t fit with the church’s vision, either it must not be from God, or it’s not for now. The thinking can be, how could God have given this vision if it’s different from what we know, out of the box or and it doesn’t align with church vision or anyone else in the church community?
The truth is that God has placed desires in each of us — passions that reveal where we will flourish most. That’s where we’re called to serve. This could be inside the church or outside.
A lady once came to me in tears after a workshop. “Are you saying it’s okay to do what makes my heart sing? What I’m passionate about? I thought if I enjoyed what I do, it wasn’t really serving!” This is a way of thinking she got from being in church culture.
“Therefore, brothers and sisters, be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never stumble.”
— 2 Peter 1:10 (ESV)
3. Disempowered to set a course
This is another common church culture flaw that holds people back. When it comes to creating vision, setting goals, and making plans, many Christians hesitate. I often hear:
“I don’t want it to be my will but God’s.”
“I don’t want to take control.”
“I’m waiting on God to show me what’s next.”
That may sound spiritual — but it’s actually disempowering.
The Bible encourages goal setting when done in partnership with God:
“In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”
— Proverbs 3:6 (NKJV)
God will direct your paths. So when we set a course of action, have a vison and goals we do of course want to acknowledge God in it all of these, and expect and invite His guidance.
Check out my blog on Biblical Goal Setting, explaining how the scriptures encourage us to set goals and have vision.
One woman told me her biggest breakthrough from attending my workshop was realizing it was okay to have goals! A capable, professional woman who had always set goals until she became a Christian. Somewhere along the way, church culture had led her to believe she shouldn’t make plans. Her hope for doing extraordinary things with God was diminished as sadly she was discounting some wonderful talents God had given her in executing plans.
The coaching workshop gave her permission back to have goals.
When I make big decisions — like buying an apartment recently — I listen to my heart about what I love. But I also invite God to guide me: “Lord, if this isn’t right, please take it away.” And He always has. He can be trusted.
I have ended up with an apartment that I love and am loving increasingly as time goes by. Only God knew which one would give me this.
It was the same when finding my husband — dating, listening to my heart, but inviting God to remove anyone not meant for me. And He did — every time, until the right one came along.
How would I have found these just by waiting passively? I wouldn’t have. How confident am I now that I have the right apartment and the right man!
The place of disempowered waiting is a place of stolen hope. I’ve seen people stuck there for years — waiting, but never acting. And hope is hard to hold onto in that place.
Reflection
As you’ve read this, what cultural beliefs have you adopted that aren’t godly?
Ask God:
“Lord, show me what mindsets I’ve adopted from my nation’s culture that have stolen my hope and held me back.”
Ask Him again:
“Lord, show me what mindsets I’ve adopted from church culture that have stolen my hope and held me back.”
Now, spend some time writing down what empowered thinking and beliefs you will adopt instead.