Over the years, I’ve had many clients come to me for coaching. The presenting issue may be stuckness — for example, not being able to make progress toward goals, or not having a clear vision for the future.
At some point in the journey we go on together, we often realise that their hope has been stolen. Losing belief that something is possible — or worse, losing belief that you are possible (that you can become more than you imagine) — is a major factor.
This is true of successful, high-level leaders just as much as it is for younger individuals still finding their path — and everyone in between.
Here are some common “hope stealers” I’ve come across over the years, and some coaching reframes to help you to reclaim hope for yourself and guide others to do the same!
My prayer is that as you read these, you’ll be strengthened and able to take back your hope.
Scripture:
“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.”
— Hebrews 10:35 (NIV)
1. Failure
By far, this is one of the biggest hope stealers I’ve encountered. When something doesn’t work out, hope can be stolen quickly.
We all have different areas where this may have happened — and for many of us, more than once. It might be a failed launch, a business that hasn’t performed as you hoped, a relationship that didn’t work out, a job interview that failed to land you your dream job!
I can relate to all of this — and more. When circumstances don’t work out as we hope, our hope is dashed.
In the co-creative transformational coaching model, we help you fully process past “failures” — moments where you believe you fell short. We draw out the nutrients from those experiences to maximise your learning and discover God’s redemptive plan.
We reframe what you perceive as failure as part of the journey — seeing how each part, including the painful ones, leads to the fulfilment of your purpose.
The result? You begin to see how even failure becomes a building block for future success, dreams, and purpose.
A Personal Example
Last year, I gave a keynote talk to about 300 people — not the largest crowd I’ve spoken to. In my opinion, it didn’t go well. I look at it as a failure. It didn’t connect and engage the audience in the way I had hoped.
Yes, people thanked me, and some showed interest, but I walked away feeling it wasn’t a resounding success. Something that I have seen in other arenas. The speaker before me seemed inundated with enquiries and people wanting to explore his offering.
I know I can do this well. I’ve seen a lot of people transformed through my talks. But this one felt… average at best – a real disappointment.
A year later, there has been a tremendous amount of learning for me from this. I can see the gold that came out of that “failure.” God used that moment to show me where I needed to grow and refine my message to this new audience. Over this last year, He’s been developing me for this same audience which He is calling me to.
I now have a bar, a standard to hold myself up to, so that when I do a similar thing to a similar audience again, I will be better. Better than average! To get here I had to really look at why I thought I’d failed. How does this event link to my purpose and where God has shown me I am going? The event links, the failure doesn’t. So clearly I knew there was some growth in me that is needed. I have happily been absorbing the growth opportunity that God has invited me into. Ok full transparency – not ‘happily’ every moment, but definitely willingly.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
— Romans 8:28 (NIV)
Coaching Reflection
Ask yourself:
What “failure” am I facing right now?
Why do I consider this a failure?
Is this area connected to my calling or purpose?
If yes, what do I need to learn, mature in, or strengthen for next time?
Thomas Edison made thousands of unsuccessful attempts to invent the light bulb. He famously said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 1,000 ways that won’t work.”
What kind of perseverance is God growing in you?
“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
— James 1:4 (NIV)
2. Delay
Have you ever waited for something that just never seems to come?
I have friends and people that I come across in classes and courses that I run that have been waiting a long time for a vision to happen. Some have waited years and years. Some have waited decades. The bible clearly says hope deferred makes the heart sick.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”
— Proverbs 13:12 (NIV)
Maybe you’ve been through years of dating without finding marriage? Maybe it’s a long-awaited promotion or opportunity that hasn’t come through? Maybe you’ve been waiting to launch something for a long time?
A Personal Example
I waited for my husband for many decades — and finally, he arrived (from the other side of the world — Australia!). We married when I was 46.
My journey on waiting on God, whilst being proactive and dating and being available for Mr Right, was a long one. But even when I wanted to give up hoping He urged me to keep my hope alive and sure enough eventually along came Gerrard!
What if “hope deferred” isn’t something we’re victims of?
What if its our choice whether to experience hope deferred or not?
We can choose to see delay as an opportunity to tune into God’s plan and timing and to in the meantime prepare ourselves.
If after asking God ‘why’, we have no answer, at some point we will have to let go of having to know the reason why it’s taking so long and simply choose to trust him. This is hard. I believe it is one of the most difficult tests of our faith that we get.
Many choose to let go of knowing why and let go of hope, giving up on ever seeing the delay be over. I believe it’s impossible to please God without faith, and one way we grow our faith is to carry on believing even though it may have been a lifetime of waiting. God helped me to do this around waiting on my husband. I continue to wait and hope of many other great things that I am believing on and have done for more than a decade now.
Abraham also did this, waiting for Isaac his son to be born. King David held hope through many years and trails that one day he would be king, as he’d been anointed to be as a child. The list of biblical characters that waited goes on. The waiting shaped their hearts for their callings.
What delays have caused you to give up, rather than continually choose to hold onto your hope and faith?
How can you start to re-align yourself and tune in to God’s timing and prepare your heart?
So instead of giving up, I find it powerful to coach through the delay — to explore what God is doing in the waiting.
Reflection Questions
- What delay in my life feels most painful right now?
- God, what do You want to say to me about this delay?
- What does it look like for me to yield to Your timing?
- How can I prepare myself for the right time?
“For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie.
If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.”
— Habakkuk 2:3 (ESV)
Many times, a delay isn’t God holding something back — it’s Him inviting us to step forward in faith.
What step might you need to take today?
Need help stepping out in faith?
Contact me for some coaching. It’s easier than you think to move beyond fear and into fulfilment of purpose.
When we learn to encourage ourselves in the Lord and others, we literally fill up with courage. That courage replaces fear and “hope deferred.”
Next week, in Part 2, we’ll look at two more common hope stealers — and how to get your hope back with interest!