These are all on the rise and common problems for many of us.
Here are some thoughts on how to reverse unhealthy thinking which leads to overwhelm, to help you enter a place of rest and healthy perspective.
14 unhealthy mindsets and beliefs that lead to overwhelm:
- It must be done today!
- People are depending on me
- I can’t say ‘no’ because ………. Insert anything you may think here
- I have not done enough, gotta do more
- I need to finish this otherwise………
- I am not far enough on this I should be so much further
- It will get better if I just carry on and push through
- I can’t eliminate anything off of my to do list – it is all important and all must get doen as soon as possible
- I don’t get to choose what I do and don’t do
- I have to put up with eth way he/she treats me
- I don’t think it’s possible, but I am being expected to do it all
- There is no one else that can do this, it all rides on me
- I am the only one to save this situation
- I must perform and keep on performing….
Whatever overwhelm you have experienced or are experiencing I can tell you that none of the above mindsets and beliefs will help you. Each one of them is not true.
Take a look at some fresh truths for each below:
It must be done today!
The truth is that if it is not done today, the world will most probably not end. There is always tomorrow. Putting undue pressure on yourself for something to be done in a certain timescale is common for some personality types, but the truth is that timescales can always be moved. (There may be consequences but rarely consequences that justify you feeling overwhelmed and speeding yourself towards burn out)
People are depending on me
Ok, but you are depending on you too! Your rest, and mental health is most important. No one will be able to depend on you if you are burnt out. To stay healthy to help others you have to have boundaries that take care of you too. The Bible says love others as you love yourself. That’s the standard right there. The amount of love that you give others must be matched by what you give yourself.
I can’t say ‘no’ because ………. Insert anything you may think here
You can always say ‘no’. Having the ability to say ‘no’, to look after your own mental, physical and emotional health is essential, unless you want to burn out and live your whole life to essentially, please or appease others or to be under a lie that you can’t or shouldn’t say ‘no’. You are the best person to know your physical, mental and emotional needs.
I have not done enough, gotta do more
What standard are you holding yourself to? The main standard to hold yourself to, is God’s standard. He does not require you to do anything, just to be a good son or daughter. ‘…….For my yoke is easy and my burden is light’, Matt 11:30
I need to finish this otherwise………
Otherwise, what? Weigh the consequences of this against your own physical, mental, and emotional health. Nothing is worth you losing your peace. It’s ok to push through, work hard and finish things from time to time but not as a consistent lifestyle where you don’t rest, give yourself grace and have fun!
I am not far enough on this, I should be so much further
You are where you are. Beating yourself up for not being farther focuses you on thinking negatively. Celebrating what you have done so far and visualising what you will do, directs your energy towards success instead of seeing yourself as a failure. The only truth in this is what you choose to believe. Everyone needs to find their own pace, not compare themselves with others.
It will get better if I just carry on and push through
Sometimes this is a great attitude, but sometimes we need to be prepared to let go. If something is not good for us, if it is affecting our mental, physical and emotional health, in a negative way, we need to stop and re-evaluate: Is there a way this can work for me, or do I need to let go of it altogether? If it can only be harmful for you, let it go!
I can’t eliminate anything off of my to do list – it is all important and all must get done as soon as possible
This is not true. If your to do list is too big, some things can and have to be either eliminated or postponed. They can be put into a category of ‘do later when I can’. There is a difference between something being important and something being urgent. Knowing the difference helps us to focus on doing the best things in a timely manner without stress.
I don’t get to choose what I do and don’t do
Not true, plain, and simple, we all have choice. God gave it to you and to each of us. If you feel you have no choice, you need to take a step back from the situation until you can see that ultimately you have choice.
I must put up with the way he/she treats me
Not true, none of us need to put up with being treated badly. We have the option to put boundaries in place. Boundaries start with learning to have brave communication with a person. There is plenty of teaching on this and you can get coached on this!
I don’t think it’s possible, but I am being expected to do it all
Other’s expectations can put us under undue stress. The truth is we can decide to be managed by their expectations or we can set our own. We know our own limitations, our strengths, and our capacity best.
There is no one else that can do this, it all rides on me
This is rarely true. There is always another way, most of the time there will be someone else that can deal with it. Whatever ‘it’ is, can most probably be delayed or stopped if need be.
I am the only one to save this situation
As above this is rarely true. There is always another way, most of the time there will be someone else also that can deal with it. Whatever ‘it’ is can probably be delayed or stopped if need be.
I must perform and keep on performing….
This is not true, but many times it’s what we are believing deep down. The truth is we are not performing monkeys, we are human beings. Performing is not our main task. As stated above we are at choice. There is always a choice to stop. Learning to stop and be aware of our own well-being is important.
Which mindsets do you tend to carry from the ones mentioned?
How can you change this unhelpful mindset to a healthy one that keeps you from overwhelm?
Coaching helps you to become aware of limiting beliefs and unhealthy mindsets that hold you back from reaching your fullest potential and feeling fulfilled and at rest at every turn!
Why do I know so many of these? It comes from years of coaching these mindsets out both in myself and my clients!
Change is easy than you think, totally possible and you so worth it!
Tina Southgate, Founder, Destiny Coaching Ministries!